‹ Back

Any marriage, even the strongest one created out of great love, will not avoid a crisis in their relationship. Some couples go through periods easier and faster than others. For some, periods can drag on, while for others, they lead to a complete separation. Any development goes in a spiral, with ups and downs. But how you can resolve the conflict is up to you. You can take your relationship to the next level.

 

A crisis in the family can begin at any moment, no matter if you have lived together for five, ten, or twenty years.  This is a moment that couples often dread because it disrupts their sense of security and brings changes to a well-ordered life.  However, this is an integral

part of any long-term relationship.

 

Understanding the reasons for crisis in a relationship.

 

Each couple's relationship is built to its own schemes, taking into the character and habits of each of the partners. It rarely happens that people have such identical characters and habits that it is possible to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings. As a rule, by a certain point in time, misunderstandings, resentments, and dissatisfaction with relationships accumulate.  It is these unmet needs that are the reason for the crisis. A person can suffer for a while and turn a blind eye to his own needs, but at some point patience ends, and the relationship comes to a crisis.

 

What do unmet needs mean?

 

These are needs that can be directly related to the relationship and to your partner, such as the need for attention, love, care, support, help, and sex. Maybe your personal needs are not related to your partner. For example, the need for privacy, for sports, for meetings with friends. Basically, partners do not discuss which of their needs are not satisfied, and if they start any discussion, it turns into a quarrel. Therefore, it is important to listen calmly and understand what exactly your partner needs in a relationship with you. After the needs are voiced, you should discuss what prevents each partner from getting what they need, and think together about how to change it.

 

Stages of Family Crises

 

Family life is associated with the stages that the family goes through in its development. Each stage is accompanied by a crisis.

 

The first year of the family's life.

 

At this time, the formation of internal family resources occurs. Blinded by love, we don't see our partner's flaws. You want to spend every minute together. Young love continues to develop, so couples are laser-focused on each other. They do not see the world outside of their relationship. But when the period of our initial admiration passes, we return to our normal rhythm. Then we suddenly notice that the love of our life exhibits a nasty habit that can effectively spoil the loving couple's atmosphere.

 

Possible causes of the crisis:

1. The mismatch of the ideal person with the real person,
2. The wrong division of household duties,
3. Living together with parents,
4. Financial problems,
5. Boredom, and
6. The birth of the first child.

 

Relationship Crisis Within 3-5 Years, or the Crisis of Childbirth

 

The crisis that occurs at 3 years of life together is usually associated with the appearance of children in a young family. Children change a couple’s previous lifestyle, and often many resentments are felt in which there is no help. Spouses are ready for the roles of parenthood, but not ready for the daily trials parenthood brings. These resentments often result in escalating conflicts.

 

"Prepare in advance for the development of your role changes from husband and wife to Mom and Dad. It’s important to plan ahead for the emotional and financial adjustments required for this period. The main skill each couple must develop is mutual support."
 

Crisis of 7 Years of Family Life

 

Sometimes called the “seven-year itch”, this crisis is considered to be the most dangerous. Monotony sometimes creeps into the relationship prompting both spouses to look for ways to return to the former intense mutual feelings they had in their relationship. Rather than focusing on each other, some couples tend to pursue finding satisfaction from other acquaintances such as neighbors or friends from work.

 

What is important during this period is to share your feelings and concerns with each other, and focus on doing the things you did with each other that made you fall in love. Review photos from your first dates and your wedding. Take romantic walks together, and experiment in the bedroom. Just spend as much time together as possible.

 

Crisis 10-14 Years of Family Life

 

For most couples, this period can be labeled a midlife crisis for partners. Children have often reached their teenage years, need a lot of attention, and can bring serious discord into the family. Some are disappointed with their career or are reconsidering their life values. Making assessments about how happy or successful you are compared to previously made life goals can make it obvious that he or she did not dream that their life would turn out as it has. 

 

Many people blame their other half for their personal or family failure and decide that the easiest way to happiness and fulfillment is through a divorce. What is important during this period is, to be honest, communicate transparently from the heart, and accept responsibility for personal contributions to mistakes or failures in the family.

 

Restore family traditions. Get the family together for dinners, walks, game nights, and heart-to-heart talks sharing each other’s day before going to bed. Everything that will unite the family into a single unit is useful. More than ever, it is important for partners to support each other, be interested in each other’s feelings or concerns, and share any doubts or fears.

 

Parents should regularly allocate time to really communicate with their teenagers - both individually and together. Help them find activities that can become an alternative to social media and video games. The more support and participation a teenager finds at home makes it less likely they will be influenced by bad company.

 

Crisis 15-19 Years of Family Life

 

The empty nest syndrome is the name given to this difficult time in family history.  The children grew up, moved out of the parental home, and left their parents alone together potentially causing loneliness. This period is a serious test of how much emotional contact has been established as husband and wife vs. parents.

 

If their relationship was centered exclusively around children, then after their departure, many couples find they have nothing in common. Did they remain a family after the children left? Or, did they become strangers to each other?

"It is important during this period to look for new common interests. Talk to each other as much as possible. Discover something new in each other. Build your own life according to new rules, and try not to cling to your children under the pretext of "helping them."

 

After 20 Years of Married Life

 

The primary danger of this period is that partners in some families become so accustomed to each other that they begin to live as neighbors or best friends. Most crisis situations at this age are due to the fact that in men sexual activity is quite high, and women enter menopause with lower sexual appetites caused by unchecked hormone deficiencies.

 

"What is important during this period is to take good care of your health so you can have the energy and stamina to care for each other’s needs. Spend time together. Go for walks, view exhibitions, meet new friends, and do the things that in the past you didn't have time for. Take care and focus on your partner, and don’t be limited to your children’s and grandchildren’s lives. Preserve and develop new hobbies and interests."

 

Conclusion

 

As we have seen, each crisis has its own cause, effect, and solution. It is important to remember that a family crisis is not a tragedy, but a natural stage in the development of an intra-family subsystem of a married couple. A person develops as an individual, and in relationships with loved ones and others throughout their life. Difficulties can be overcome by trust, respect, and understanding each other.

 

Don’t give up and allow any crisis to compromise your family. Many couples break up simply because of accumulated grievances, misunderstandings, and fear of expressing their desires. The best choice is always to make the investment of time and effort to work together to achieve a higher level of happiness during every season of life.

 

Lovers By Design is a reader-supported publication. Please consider becoming a paid subscriber. Paid subscribers receive access to full articles and a free copy of our upcoming book, “Lovers By Design.”