‹ Back

Has your your life been postponed?

 

"You may delay, but time will not.” Benjamin Franklin

 

How to Stop Waiting and Start Living

Many people are accustomed to living with a syndrome called, "Delayed Life Syndrome." Such people assume that something must happen in life and after that, they will heal, go on that vacation, spend more time with a loved one, or reunite with a long-lost friend.

 

According to the “postponed life scenario”, a person for a long period of time - up to decades - is preparing for some significant event or waiting for the achievement of a goal, after which, they are sure, their “real” and “happy” life will begin.

 

That is, a person simply "exists" in constant anticipation of when the time will be right. “I’ll get married and immediately become happy” or “I’ll buy my first home and then I’ll live my dream life!” These people create barriers themselves while waiting for that special moment to live life to its fullest.

 

Then, when that special event occurs like buying their first home, they rationalize that it is too early to relax because they need to make repairs and then pay off the mortgage! So that real-life dream of complete happiness will have to wait again. By repeating this pattern, this life’s dream may never come.

 

Why is This Phenomenon Dangerous?

 

A habitually passive attitude to an emerging problem or sacrificing something until a defining moment occurs are symptoms of a mental condition called "delayed life neurosis".

 

In these cases:

 

• A person is in constant expectation of a better future,
• delays in solving important, or urgent problems, or
• sacrifices something they can have today because the decisive event has not yet arrived creating the opportune time.

 

People who suffer from this syndrome miss opportunities for success while accumulating problems. To illustrate, here are a few sample statements that a person suffering from this neurosis might make:

 

• "I will not re-paste the torn wallpaper. After all, we will be moving someday."
• “When I find another job, I will start spending more time with my family.”
• " When our children finish school, then we will start traveling or enjoying our favorite hobbies."
• "I will get this _________ when there is a special occasion."
• "When I make a career or buy a house, then it will be possible to get married."
• “I will wear this dress only on some special occasion"
• "These curtains are amazing! I will buy them when I get my own house”

 

Do these statements sound familiar?

Waiting is one of the most common traps. The fact is that the very process of waiting always produces tension, boredom, depression, and general dissatisfaction or disappointment with life. These negative emotions create an unpleasant state of mind with the constant question: "When will ________ happen?"

 

Above all else, guard your heart for out of it springs the issues of life. Your quality of life is based upon how you feel about yourself, regardless of what happens, and filled only with your current emotions. If you are negative, then you will not achieve what you want. Even if your future event happens, you will not be happy, cheerful, and filled with exhilarating energy.

 

Delayed Life Syndrome is very convenient for many people and becomes an excuse for failure. You can wrap yourself in it, just like a cocoon, and justify your fears, laziness, or unwillingness to act and make decisions when the children grow up, summer or Friday evening comes. After all, it will be better on Monday, or the first of the month, after the holidays, or when there is world peace.

 

Delayed life neurosis convinces someone to wait for the right moment to seize an opportunity. Why postpone youth for old age? Life is happening now and there’s no time like the present.

 

So how to live in the "here and now" - being present in the moment without building illusory expectations about the future? In theory, there seems to be nothing complicated about this, but practice shows that we are constantly waiting for something: the right moment, a holiday, tomorrow, a certain behavior of others, etc. And if our expectations are not met, we are disappointed.

 

Here are a few techniques to help someone stop waiting for an illusory future of happiness and fulfillment.

 

Lovers By Design is a reader-supported publication. Please consider becoming a paid subscriber. Paid subscribers receive access to full articles and a free copy of our upcoming book, “Lovers By Design.”