‹ Back

First of all, it should be said that healthy jealousy is a normal and natural feeling!

 

Many consider jealousy to be a kind of relationship stimulant - being jealous means loving. Yes, in small doses, jealousy can really strengthen feelings. But, everything is only good in moderation. Jealousy in moderate doses gives tone and brings the necessary adrenaline of passion into the relationship.

 

What is Jealousy?

 

The feeling of jealousy is usually formed in the period from one to three years - this is always associated with childhood. The child observes the relationship of the parents and transfers those observations into adulthood. The lack of love during childhood, or experiences of violence, and psychological trauma can cause feelings of jealousy. The main factor is the fear of losing the love of a special person.

 

Jealousy is an emotional reaction that occurs when a person feels threatened by something they consider their own or something they want to have but don't have.  Jealousy in a couple arises when we imagine that someone can give our partner something that he does not receive from us. As if we risk losing the love and loyalty of a loved one.

 

Jealousy usually occurs when an emotional connection becomes an emotional addiction.  The reason for jealousy lies in the fear of losing the attention of the object of jealousy, losing the attention and love of loved ones.

 

How is jealousy formed? In psychology, jealousy is seen as a negative feeling that arises from self-doubt when feeling a lack of attention, love, respect, or sympathy from a very close person. However, there is also pathological jealousy, which encourages uncontrolled behavior.

 

Pathological Jealousy

Pathological jealousy is due to the fact that someone is not sure of themselves and their feelings. They begin to resort to searches, humiliation, beatings, and various “disciplinary sanctions” in an attempt not to lose control over the situation.

 

What is Othello syndrome?

 

Othello, full of doubts and distrustful of his wife's every step, eventually kills himself, and then his wife.  This became the name of the syndrome given to the disease of extreme jealousy in psychology. 

 

The insecurity experienced by a person who loves deeply brings with it the fear of being abandoned.

 

Jealousy is Close to Envy

 

Envy is more about material values, personal qualities, talents, and achievements. Jealousy is about attention, love, and care from other people.  That is, when we are jealous of a loved one - in fact, we become envious of someone else, to whom, as it seems to us, our loved one gives more warmth, attention, and love.

 

By the way, this “close person” can not only be a romantic partner, but also can be a friend, parent, or even a relative. Not everyone is ready to directly admit that they are jealous. Often people don't even realize it. 

 

These are a few signs of jealousy in a relationship:

• Someone constantly requires confirmation of love and fidelity. In their absence, the partner becomes overly emotional and quick-tempered, and may be offended without explaining the reason; 
• The partner uses manipulation and blackmail;
• The partner seeks to control and wants to know where you are at every minute. They control and check all messages, correspondence, personal belongings, and social networks; 
• They are looking for inconsistencies in your words and suspect everything. 

 

This behavior is systematic.

 

How to stop being jealous?

 

1. Share your feelings. Instead of resentment, prohibitions, and other manipulations, just talk and listen to each other.
2. Build trust. Be open. Love suffocates in a relationship that lacks trust.
3. Less fantasy. Don’t allow yourself to imagine your partner betraying you.
4. Forget about the past.
5. Just love and appreciate every moment.

 

Here are some things you can do if you are jealous:

1. Recognize that jealousy negatively affects you and your relationship.
2. Ask yourself, are these emotions helpful?
3. Find out what causes jealousy.
4. Try to communicate with your partner.  Do not use the language of accusations and reproaches.
5. Remember that the only outcome that jealousy will lead to is the destruction of relationships.

 

The existential psychologist, psychiatrist, neurologist, and philosopher Viktor Frankl has a good grasp of this topic:

"A jealous person, doubting his ability to keep his partner, can really lose him, can really push the partner into the arms of another, forcing infidelity, because he doubted his fidelity. Of course, loyalty is one of the tasks of love. But this is always a task only for the one who loves, and can never be a demand directed at a partner"

 

Conclusion

 

An option to combat jealousy is sublimation. This is the translation of negative energy into a positive channel.  Things like exercising your creativity in hobbies, or participating in sports are great ways to help cope with negativity. However, when trying to overcome jealousy with outside activities, one should not go to the extreme. Excess activities outside the relationship can lead to creating jealousy in the other person. 

 

It is important to find a middle ground. You must measure how objective your suspicions are. You should not provoke a partner who is jealous. You need to talk to them in order to restore trust. If your partner is very jealous, but there is no reason for them to be jealous, try to meet with a family psychologist together. If jealousy becomes pathological, then an appeal to a psychotherapist will be required.

 

Jealousy is so strong that it can destroy a great relationship in an instant. Get rid of it, the sooner the better. You need to learn to let go of this feeling and trust your loved one because this is the only way to save your relationship.

 

Lovers By Design is a reader-supported publication. Please consider becoming a paid subscriber. Paid subscribers receive access to full articles and a free copy of our upcoming book, “Lovers By Design.”