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How can it happen? We are living under the same roof, building a family, raising children together, but at the same time, feeling like strangers to each other.

 

What could be the reasons:

 

One of the causes for couple loneliness can be the result of high unmet initial expectations creating an emotional deficit within couples. Partners initially consider each other to be the whole "universe", that they will always be there, and will always be the way you imagine. 

 

Often these expectations come from scarcity which is a state of emotional hunger.  A partner will always feel that they’re missing something.  In such situations, as a rule, one partner will find it difficult to understand that the other half can have their own hobbies, interests, and social activities.  The affected partner wants to "own" the relationship completely.  But this, of course, does not work out, and they feel lonely as a result.

 

Another common cause of loneliness can be the illusion that the relationship will always be as passionate, sparkling, and exciting as it first was.  The fact is that relationships have stages of development, and love, characterized by active courtship, burning eyes, and passion, can diminish without daily maintenance. 

 

It is important to continue to build romance and focus on satisfying each other’s needs so couples can move to the next stage; a deeper and stronger connection with each other.  In this new stage, partners cease to idealize each other, feel more comfortable with their image, and are no longer compelled to always show themselves in the best possible way. For example, waking up next to each other in the morning with no makeup and your hair twisted into a frazzle makes no difference to how you and your husband perceive and love each other.

 

Both of these causes speak of individual difficulties and developmental challenges. However, these examples are only one potential side of the problem of loneliness. The other side of this problem is more serious, and it is connected to those situations when one partner closes themselves off from the other, chooses not to listen or hear the other, and is unwilling to contribute to solving problems, or being understanding. 

 

This type of partner only wants to live their own life, regardless of their loved one’s feelings. In these cases, the relationship comes to a standstill. Often in this situation, couples live together but have become strangers.  One or both of the partners may suffer greatly.  But at the same time, they do not dare to end the relationship because of children, fear of greater loneliness, loss of status, or losing the material stability that makes them feel like a family.

 

Couples trapped in loneliness can "nap" for a long time, even years. But one day, when the children grow up and move out of the family nest, the parents are left alone. They suddenly discover that, without children and family responsibilities, they long ceased to be connected to each other emotionally. They no longer have any common “family” activities and find that their interest in each other has faded away and their relationship has become one of convenience.

 

What To Do If You Start To Feel Lonely Together.

 

It's always good to start with yourself. Analyze the reason behind the emerging feeling of loneliness without shifting all the responsibility for what’s happening in the relationship to your partner.  It is important to share your concerns while taking responsibility for your contributions to the problems in your relationship.

 

It is very important to openly and transparently talk about the problems with your partner without making claims that could result in alienating them. It is better to talk about your feelings and experiences while urging your partner to focus on what is happening in the relationship and urge them to unite together with you, not against you, to solve the problem. It is worth remembering what united you, made you happy, and use these past experiences to bring your relationship back to life.

 

Relationships require work - individually and collectively - to establish and maintain mutual happiness.  Relationships require fuel every day. They must be maintained and carefully monitored so they don’t fade away.

 

The best way to avoid loneliness is to practice building intimacy through transparent and connected conversations daily.  It would seem that it is so simple and so difficult at the same time.  But true love can overcome everything.

 

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