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Men and women have to be open and honest with each other on three basic levels:

1. Showing their inner child,
2. Seeing the inner reaches of their souls, and
3. Being on the same page spiritually. 

 

The Inner Child

 

Everyone has an “inner child”. By definition in popular and analytical psychology, the inner child is an individual's views and perceptions of what a person learned as a child, before puberty. The inner child is often conceived as a semi-independent subpersonality subordinate to the waking conscious mind. This sub-personality can often create inner conflict when a person is addressing a situation or circumstance as an adult. It’s important that each partner is aware of their past hurts and has learned to grow past them.

 

Growing Into Soulmates

 

Couples need a level of transparency that allows the literal fusing of your souls - becoming soulmates. The soul is the spiritual essence of a person, which includes one's identity, personality, and memories that are believed to be able to survive physical death. How each of you identifies, your level of self-worth, and lifetime memories and experiences will impact your relationship. Knowing each other deeply and compassionately understanding and relating to each other deepens and strengthens your bonds to each other.

 

Knowing Your Spiritual Roots

 

I am sure that you have heard that old adage, "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus."  This may be true in one sense, but in reality, men and women were made to relate to each other and operate as a team.

 

The oneness displayed in a relationship is an outward expression of the harmony that exists with God and with each other. The outward expression of love, tenderness, compassion, joy, and fruitfulness in the couple reflects this harmony. If these qualities are not found in your relationship, then some work needs to be done.

 

People who say that they are not affectionate need to realize there is an underlying reason for their reduced desire for affection. It may have been something painful in your life that damaged your sense of well-being, or some other traumatic episode that shaped your human responses. Whatever it is can be overcome so that you enjoy a healthy relationship that assures mutual warmth and satisfaction.

 

Men & Women are Different 

 

Duh! There are several obvious differences between men and women, but the Genesis of our Creation shows that we started as one.  It says in Genesis 2:21-22 God took one of Adam's ribs, then in verse 22, He “took the rib and made it into a woman.” She was literally bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh because they were clones with the same DNA. Made the same, but with differences that when applied together as one can move mountains and successfully raise a family.

 

God made women in His image with distinct advantages over men, and God also gave man unique advantages as well. When a man and woman work together leveraging each other’s superpowers, they become a formidable team.

 

Love is a Contact Sport

 

Genesis 2:24 says that a man shall be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Intimacy in a loving marriage operates on several levels:

1. Verbal: Speaking over each other. What do you call your partner when they are not in the room? Have you ever initiated or allowed negative banter concerning your partner to go unchallenged or undefended? Have you ever breached an area of confidence you and your partner have established? When you speak to each other, are your words gentle and loving because they are coming from your heart? Take advantage of close spaces to whisper into each other's ears soft words of affection that paint a vivid picture of love.
2. Physical: Touching, togetherness, longing. Couples in love like to literally stay in touch. They hold hands, put their arms around each other, and are often seen expressing tasteful displays of affection in public. You do things together intentionally. Not out of a sense of duty, but because you genuinely desire to be with your partner. You shower together, cook together, shop together, enjoy hobbies together, and travel together. When you are seated in a room, you prefer to be seated next to each other so that your bodies can stay connected. 
3. Emotional: You have become a student of your partner, and you “get” each other. You understand each other’s likes, dislikes, favorite colors, foods, drinks, ideas for fun, even allergies, and things that make you happy or unhappy. You pay attention to each other’s sources of pain and discomfort. You feel each other's emotions. You know when the other is happy or sad, sick or just a little down. You develop a 6th sense for each other and start to finish each other's sentences. You know each other's opinions on a wide range of subjects including deepest hopes, thoughts, fears, and desires.  
4. Sexual: You have the active desire to want to rip each other's clothes off at a moment’s notice just by making eye contact with each other. Your time together making love is slow, responsive, cooperative, and mutually pleasurable. You explore each other and learn what makes the other happy. You freely and mutually instigate arousal, and you turn life into a romantic adventure filled with foreplay. Making love is not just the act of having sex, but is an artful romantic state of being that each of you lives by. 

 

Romance is an Art

 

In order for your relationship to flourish, you both need to create a bubble where, apart from God, only you and your partner exist. God should already be at the center of your relationship. This bubble can only be created when there are no barriers between a couple.

 

Love is the Glue that Binds

 

Relationships take work, but the work can be fun! Become a student of your partner. Learn about what their favorite and not-so-favorite things are in life and love. Practicing the good and exploring each other's needs selflessly helps to build your love bubble, and keep the relationship fresh. Honesty and humility are critical to success. 

 

Love is Not a Weapon

 

You never ever withhold affection from your partner or anyone else out of anger or spite. You never let the sun go down in your anger. Address problems right away. Using love as a weapon will destroy your marriage by opening your partner up to temptation, and driving them away.

 

Marital Instructions

 

In Ephesians 5, the Bible instructs husbands and wives to “walk in love”. That means to live a life that responds with love rather than hate. Assume the best of your partner and not the worst. Wives are to submit to their own husbands as to the Lord. That means letting him lead and support his decisions. If his direction is clearly in error, lovingly make suggestions that will improve the plan.

 

This chapter also states that husbands are to “love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” And that “husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies.” Jesus suffered and was crucified for the body of believers who make up the church. A husband’s love for his wife and family should be the highest priority, and come easily and without hesitation - even when sacrifice is required.

 

The last verse of that chapter almost seems like oh, by the way, don’t forget, but it's not. It says, "Let the wife see that she respects her husband.” The italic emphasis is in the verse. She respects HER husband above any other man. Mutual respect is critical in every relationship. It is important that we not exasperate (i.e. make very angry or impatient; annoy greatly.) each other or our children.

 

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