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Exuding class, elegance, and good taste..

 

 

Audrey Hepburn, a well-known movie legend, and International Best Dressed List Hall of Fame winner said, “A well-mannered person will never cause inconvenience to others.” Lynn Coady wrote, "Let's not confuse traditional behaviors with good manners. The definition of etiquette is gender neutral⁠—it simply means we strive at all times to ensure a person in our company feels at ease."

 

According to Miriam Webster, etiquette is defined as “the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life.” We know perfectly well that body language and good manners are a type of calling card. This section addresses the history and importance of practicing good etiquette. These points are informative and directly related to courtesy and respect, as well as formal etiquette protocols.

 

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The word "etiquette" appeared under King Louis XIV in France. At one of the magnificent royal receptions, all those invited were given cards with rules of conduct that guests had to follow. It is believed that this is where the concept of "etiquette" came from - good breeding, good manners, the ability to behave in society.

 

England is usually called the birthplace of etiquette, but this is disputed. Many believe that etiquette could not have arisen in England. If we consider historical facts, behavioral style, spirituality, and cultural traditions, then many historians are inclined to believe that Italy is the birthplace of etiquette. However, since words like etiquette, consommé, and demitasse have French origins, it appears that this practice did indeed begin with King Louis XIV.

 

The basics of etiquette are quite simple. This is a culture of speech, elementary politeness, a neat appearance, and the ability to manage one's emotions. Both apply to men and women equally. The following section provides a brief overview of some basic points of etiquette.

 

1. Social or Networking: Be cordial and introduce yourself making good eye contact. Keep at least one hand free. If you are standing, have only a drink or food in one hand, never both. Hold your drink in your left hand so that you have a dry hand to offer a firm, but not crushing, handshake. You can eat and drink while sitting, but it is always better to stand and greet. Avoid approaching two people engaged in deep conversation. Wait until there is a break so you can introduce yourself.  Look for their visual cues to join the conversation. Make good eye contact. Ask people questions about themselves and the work they do.

When it’s appropriate, always offer your contact information and know when it is time to go.  Move on to the next group or individual. Follow up with promising contacts, and assess how you can improve your performance. When the host or server calls “dinner is served”, begin to proceed to the dining room and be seated. If seating is arranged, find the chart, and sit where you are assigned.

 

2. Table Etiquette:

 

12 Piece Formal Placesetting

 

Shown above is an example of a twelve-course table setting. The utensils chosen and arranged on the table next to your plate are based on the menu being served. They are arranged in the order you will be using them. Spoons and knives are on the right, all forks are on the left. Sometimes the fish fork will be placed on the right side at the end.

 

Traditional Formal Placesetting Guide

 

The picture above shows a traditional formal place setting with plate and utensil definitions. Knowing how to prepare a place setting is one aspect of good etiquette. Along with this, you need to know how each utensil, plate, and glass is used based on each course. ­­Here is a chart showing a traditional formal place setting together with definitions of each item. The consommé shown on the table here is the soup or broth bowl.

 

The service pieces shown here are stacked in reverse of the course order starting with the soup bowl, salad plate, dinner plate, and the charger. The charger doesn’t leave the table as it receives the serving piece for each course. The demitasse is used to serve espresso-type beverages. Notice the shapes and types of the glassware. Sometimes a restaurant will place the seafood fork next to the salad fork.

 

Place the napkin (serviette) on your lap folded in half with the fold towards your waist soon after sitting down at the table. The napkin should remain on your lap throughout the entire meal. If you leave the table, place your napkin on your chair, or to the left of your plate. If you place your napkin on the left of the plate, make sure you position your utensils as shown below to send a “while eating” signal to the server that you will be returning. Follow your host's lead. When the host places their napkin on the table, unless they are returning, this typically signifies the end of the meal. You should then place your napkin on the table as well.

 

The Cutlery Signals for Servers

 

The Cutlery Signals image shown here displays non-verbal communication methods with utensils used when being served in a restaurant. The guest places their cutlery on the dinner plate in a specific position to communicate their needs to the serving staff. If they are crossed then it means you have finished your course.

 

The benefit of understanding cutlery etiquette is that properly trained wait staff can cater to the guest's needs without interrupting table conversation. Refer to the picture shown here. Place your knife blade and fork tines pointed in the 10 and 4 positions to signify that you are finished with your meal. The 10 and 4 position refers to the numbers on a clock with the top of the utensils pointed towards the 10 and the handles pointed towards the 4.

 

3. Always Watch Your Posture: Personal conduct or behavior is evaluated based on an accepted standard of appropriateness for social or professional settings. Good posture is not just a matter of health but also communicates confidence, elegance, and class. Just imagine how unpleasant it is to look at a person who does not raise their nose from their dinner plate. Their back is hunched and their elbows are apart. Sit comfortably, and straighten your back. Only rest your wrists on the table while keeping your elbows close to your body. Never put your elbows on the table.

 

Your posture is an important aspect of good etiquette. Grooming schools would use a book for a student to balance on their head to practice good posture while walking. In etiquette class, the "Princess Posture" lesson uses nests of nightingale eggs as a variant to replace books.

 

Physically you were made to stand up and sit straight. Bad posture is not only unattractive but if not intervened upon, will contribute to lifelong health problems. There are several aspects of practicing good posture. Candace Smith has a wealth of information on the subject of etiquette. Check out Candacesmithetiquette.com/good-posture for more information.

 

4. Nothing On The Table That’s Not Related To Food: Wait 15 minutes before calling your dinner guests who have not yet arrived. If you are running late to the reservation time, call ahead as soon as you know you will be late and let your host know when you will be arriving. Sunglasses, phones, keys, handbags, etc. must be cleared from the table at the moment when plates of food are placed in front of you. Not doing so is considered bad manners. Put your phone on do not disturb mode so that when messages arrive the screen flash or phone ringer will not distract other guests.  

 

5. Never Eat Until Everyone At The Table Is Served: In exceptional cases, you can start eating if the one who is waiting for their dish asks you to do so. Sometimes someone will order an individual appetizer which requires different serving times. Use your best judgment.

 

6. Don’t Reach Across The Table: If a dish of bread or salad is out of arm's length, ask the person closest to the item to please pass it to you.  Before using the item yourself, always ask the person sitting to your right and left if they want to use it too.  And if so, then serve them first, and only then put the food on your plate. If someone asks to pass the salt, pass both the salt and the pepper.  

 

7. Instead of Saying "I Don't Drink", Say "Thanks, Not Today.": Wine and champagne are commonly offered throughout the course of a meal. It turns out that people who categorically declare that they are against alcohol can offend or injure those who order alcohol. A very nice rule of etiquette is to slightly change the wording to thanks, not today, or I don’t drink. Then your respectful refusal will be taken calmly.

 

Another trick is to keep a non-alcoholic beverage in your hand or on the table. Order tonic water, seven-up, or seltzer water with a lime twist. It looks just like a gin or vodka tonic. Only you and the bartender are the only ones who will know. This will give you the appearance of participating in the festivities. Having this look-a-like drink in your hand will also help when it’s toast time. People will notice a water glass and be compelled to give you a glass of wine or other alcoholic beverage. Having your look-a-like cocktail will provide a drink in the case of an impromptu toast.

 

8. Dishes Are Normally Passed Counter-Clockwise: Often a side dish is passed around the table so everyone can put a portion on their own plate. It is normally passed counter-clockwise. When received, you should take this dish from the neighbor on the right, and then pass it on to the neighbor on the left. If one of the guests does not know this rule and initially sends the platter in the wrong direction (clockwise, rather than counterclockwise), don’t draw attention to this so you can avoid an awkward situation. If you are not sure which direction, check the plates and ask the people next to you if they have served themselves before passing it in the right direction.

 

9. Do Not Talk With Your Mouth Full: Firstly, it is ugly, and secondly, you can choke. Even if you really like your food, do not gobble or slurp. Believe me, these are very annoying sounds. Eat small portions of food slowly and completely. If someone talks to you fight the urge to respond while still chewing. Give them a signal with your hand like holding up a finger while you finish swallowing, and then respond.

 

10. Eat Calmly Without Haste: Eating food is not a race. In addition, a measured consumption of food is good for your health. It typically takes around 15 minutes for your stomach to tell your brain that you’re full. Eating slowly will help you feel full faster, so you will eat less. Pace yourself with the other dinner guest and never finish your meal before your host does.

 

11. Spaghetti Is Eaten With A Fork: Long spaghetti is eaten by wrapping it around a fork. Cut the pile of noodles in half with a knife if they are in long strands. You don't want them hanging out of your mouth. Take your fork and stick it straight down into a smaller pile of noodles, then twirl the upright fork clockwise by flipping the handle in your hand so the noodles spiral around your fork. Then lift the fork to make sure it’s not too full, then enjoy. Often a dinner spoon is served with the fork to help manage the noodles.

 

12. Spooning, Cutting, and Eating Food: While eating soup, you should lower your spoon into the bowl, dip the spoon edge that’s away from you into the soup to fill the spoon, then raise it to your mouth. Do not blow on the soup, but rather stir it first. If it is too hot, leave the spoon in the bowl and the metal from the spoon will help release the heat into the air to help cool your soup.

 

There are two styles of eating solid food - European and American. The Europeans hold their fork in one hand and the knife in the other. They will insert the fork into a small portion of a larger piece of food and cut a small piece. Then while holding onto the knife they place the food they just cut that’s on the fork into their mouth. Americans will cut the piece of food, place their knives on the top of the plate, then insert the food into their mouths. For Americans, this process occurs several times during the completion of the course. 

 

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