The Only One Who Loves You is Me!
Listening to the audiobook "In Sheep's Clothing" George K.Simon, he describes the psychotypes of manipulators and their techniques this book gave me the idea to write an article about one of the forms of psychological manipulation - gaslighting.
Defining Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which the manipulator denies facts that happened, trying to make the victim doubt their own memories and change their perception of reality.
The term "gaslighting" became widespread after 1944, when the Oscar-winning film "Gaslight" with Ingrid Bergman was released. The plot revolves around a newly married couple. The girl suddenly realizes that she has begun to forget where she put her personal belongings and household items, some of which are irretrievably lost. She also hears footsteps coming from the closed attic and sees gas lamps. They dim and brighten for no apparent reason. He gradually isolates his wife from the outside world, claiming that he does this for her own good, because her nerves are frayed. The girl herself begins to consider herself ill.
Gaslighting and Abuse: What's the Difference
The concept of "abuse" is broader than "gaslighting".
An abuser seeks to subjugate another and uses various tactics to do so, including gaslighting. He may use physical force. An abuser is a rapist who seeks to suppress.
A gaslighter is a deceiver who wants to hide his true intentions and impose a false picture of the world on others.
How to Understand That You Are Being Gaslighted
Firstly, a person begins to feel insecure about their actions and thoughts. The victim will doubt everything: their adequacy, the decision they have already made, the feeling that they are a good person (mother, wife, employee), whether they are doing the right thing.
Secondly, the feeling that the partner's opinion is the only correct one becomes an alarming signal. Only he and no one else knows what is right.
Victims experience constant internal tension: everything seems to be fine on the outside, but something is wrong. This tension practically never goes away, but only increases and becomes unbearable. This is aggravated by the fact that the person's social circle is rapidly shrinking, because the victim feels awkward, ashamed, or has to lie and understate when asked about their partner.
The victim begins to believe that the gaslighter really cares about them and only wants the best.
Typical phrases used by gaslighters are:
- “I didn’t say that,”
- “You’re getting it wrong,”
- “It’s just a joke,”
- “You’re too sensitive.”
Signs of Gaslighting
You can identify gaslighting by a number of characteristic signs. To do this, you need, first of all, to listen carefully to your own feelings. Here is a list of "symptoms" that may signal that you have entered into a relationship with a manipulator:
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