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"Trust: a feeling that makes you believe in someone, even if you know that you yourself would lie in his place." Henry Louis Mencken
 

A strong and happy marriage does not develop on its own. Relationships need to be worked on. If you are striving to build a harmonious and lasting relationship with a partner, it is important to initially build trust in each other.

 

Psychology professor John Gottman has watched more than 3,000 couples in his 40 years of practice. He came to the conclusion that the main problem in marriage is distrust. In most cases, the cause of conflicts between lovers is precisely the lack of trust in each other.

 

Trust in a couple is a feeling of complete calm. Open relationships are built on confidence in the honesty and decency of your partner towards you. At the very beginning of a relationship, namely during the period of falling in love, initial trust is established. Unfortunately, it cannot last forever. As soon as doubt appears in relation to your partner, trust dies.

 

The reason for this is the desire each partner has to be at their very best at the beginning of building a relationship. Over time, as relationships become habitual and lose their original novelty, we become ourselves. We begin to study the partner, find out how trustworthy they are, and then look for all the pitfalls.

 

At this point, each partner’s previous experience of building relationships comes to the surface, which largely explains the perceptions of the partners at this stage of the relationship. The period of really knowing and accepting each other with all the quirks each possess is a very important period for your future as a couple.

 

Trust is one of the most difficult-to-understand feelings experienced by a person. The question of trust is one of the most acute in any society. To restore trust, it is necessary to relieve a person of the pain and fear that protects them from repeated deception.

 

How Trust Issues Manifest

The first is a distrusting nature.

 

We find it difficult to open up to others for several reasons. If a person has experienced betrayal in a past relationship, they may be especially prone to distrust others. Unprocessed anger and pain can make us look for a double bottom where there is none, or subconsciously attract unreliable partners.

 

Sometimes distrust is born in the family. If relatives abuse alcohol or drugs, or there are many secrets in the family about which they lie and are silent, the child may stop trusting not only their parents but also their own understanding of reality.

 

Some fathers and mothers may even blame children for family failures. Such situations further undermine the child's trust in the world around him. Indifference, betrayal in the family, physical or emotional abuse - all this also affects the internal sense of trust in the world.

 

Too much trust.

 

The encounter with abuse and psychological trauma can lead not only to distrust but also to excessive trust. Some people even experience both of these traits. There are other factors that cause a person to trust others too much. Among them are the idealization of a partner, dependence on relationships, or the desire for them to be trusting.

 

How to learn to trust each other and build harmonious relationships

Personal space.

Complete trust can only be built in an environment of complete security. If you swear, and humiliate each other verbally or physically, you create an unsafe life environment and a lot of other problems that lead to the destruction of the relationship.

 

Pay special attention to your desire to constantly control your partner. - this is also your distrust. Do not obsess over your partner, do not control their life - live yours. Constant attempts to control only push you away from each other and destroy trust. Therefore, if your partner wants to spend time with friends, learn to accept their desires and respond calmly to them.

 

Remember that you can always calmly discuss what is unacceptable for you. For example, when a partner says that they want to go to a nightclub with friends, and you understand that you do not like this idea, it is better to immediately discuss this point with a partner and thus avoid problems of mutual understanding in the future.

 

Tell them about your desires.

 

Often people do not tell each other about their needs and desires. It’s better not to make your partner guess what they should do for you or how to act in this or that situation. It is important that both of you understand this. In the event that one of the partners shows constant care, and the other behaves more detached, as a result, one will begin to feel forgotten and unnecessary, and the other depressed. Such relationships are not healthy and therefore do not be afraid to be vulnerable - talk to each other about your wants and needs.

 

Tell the truth.

 

In a relationship, you learn your partner so well that you understand their body language and facial expressions better than anyone else. And it is quite obvious that attempts to hide the truth will be revealed. So, avoid embarrassment and misunderstandings - just be honest with each other. The most reliable and unshakable connection between people occurs when a person knows that he can believe every word of their loved one.

 

The relationship is a priority.

 

It often happens that over time we take our partner for granted. Because of this, we neglect the interests and desires of each other. To prevent this from happening, try not to distance yourself from your partner by investing your time and energy in other people. Always remember your priorities and the person you have chosen. If you truly value your relationship, it will be at the top of your list. Give your relationship enough time, spend leisure time together, arrange interesting pastimes for yourselves, and appreciate each other.

 

How to regain the trust of a loved one.

 

Shattered trust cannot be restored with simple apologies, and excuses can even worsen the situation. But, you can try to return to close relationships with a few steps:

1. Listen carefully to your partner.
2. Let go of feelings.
3. Take responsibility for your actions: do not blame others and do not ignore problems.
4. Sincerely apologize.
5. Continue to have an open and honest dialogue.

 

The last point is especially important! Loss of trust is a real test for a relationship. At first, it may seem that the partner has forgiven and everything has returned to normal. In fact, a loved one may still be tormented and worried about what happened. It can take months or even years to fully heal. Be there and help a loved one heal wounds.

 

A parable about love and trust.

 

She met him. He was reliable and strong. He took her by the hand and they went together along the road of life. They were happy. It was good for them to walk together, but one day he let go of her hand. Not on purpose, it just happened. She was frightened and clung to him with both hands. He got worried and asked why. She couldn't answer because she didn't know the exact answer herself. They walked on, but she still clung to him with both hands.

 

Traveling the road of life this way was very tiring. The joy of traveling together had vanished somewhere. Feelings of happiness were replaced by anxiety and distrust. He grew weary of this, and one day, when she was sleeping, he left her alone. She woke up and she felt very lonely, the road had lost its meaning. She cried and went along the road of life alone. After a while, she got better.

 

Time passed and she found herself still walking alone but found herself smiling at the sun. She felt good again, but she had questions ... Is it worth traveling with someone next to you along the road of life? Do you hold on to it? And how do you hold on to it?

 

Later, she realized that walking along the road of life with someone nearby should feel equally comfortable. For this, you do not need to hold each other tightly. It is merely enough to respect, love, and trust each other. Only such a joint path with these merits makes sense and will bring pleasure to both people.

 

In conclusion, I want to say when I see a bird sitting on a branch, I always think that he is never afraid that the branch under him will not break. The bird trusts not the branch but its own wings.

 

Therefore, the main rule is that you reap what you sow, and if you want to be trusted, start trusting yourself.

 

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